Postpartum and What I’d Do Differently Next Time
This was me in postpartum every day when Mark came home. I thought I was prepared, but I forgot about the most important piece, ME! We had a plan, I thought I’d have Marks help. He’d book 3 weeks off work when the babies were born, unfortunately they had a NICU stay and when they came home Mark had 3 days left in his 3 weeks off. We had about 5 days together and then Mark was out of the house by 6:30am and home around 4:30pm. The support I imagined, was gone.
5 ways I’d plan for postpartum differently
- Create a Support Team: I’d meet with and interview everyone before the baby. Who would I include? A postpartum doula, lactation consultant, pelvic floor therapist, a babysitter or nanny, counselor as well as family and friends. You may never call the lactation consultant but knowing they are the right fit for your family and can support you, is reassuring.
- Prepare More Food: Yes I froze some snacks and a couple meals but it was not enough! On those sleep deprived newborn days you don’t want to worry about cooking. If you only have a small freezer you can still make it work! Instead of using containers I’d recommend freezing food flat in freezer bags. I would prepare one handed snacks like energy balls, muffins, bars and egg cups. For meals easy to digest and nutritious meals like stews, chili, soups, premade burritos, quiche. I’d also make smoothie packs, these can be very nutrient dense to support energy and healing.
- Create a Sleep Plan: We had a plan, the girls would sleep in basinets beside the bed, except wait, they didn’t like the basinets!! Now what? As we scrambled to try various sleeping arrangements, we had no idea what else to do. Eventually they were happy, side by side in the crib. We took off the one side so it was against the bed and the same height. Beyond a sleep plan for the babies, I’d create one for Mark and I. Since I was breastfeeding, it was assumed I would get up with them. Makes sense until you’re a few weeks in and barely functioning as a person because you’re feeding around the clock. Next time I’d discuss bottle feeding, working in shifts, and how to make sure we all get sleep.
- Set Boundaries: If you don’t know my boundary story, read it here. I’d set out clear boundaries for all family and friends about hospital visits, home visits and expectations. Setting boundaries when you are in the early days of postpartum can be difficult. By communicating what works for your family before the baby arrives, you can have an open discussion (hopefully) about the boundaries you are setting and why. Also, next time, if we’re talking about boundaries, I am not sure I would have anyone come to the hospital. That time is so precious and vulnerable, it’s for no one else, unless you want it to be.
- Partner Communication: Mark and I are great communicators, until postpartum arrived. I couldn’t say what I needed or even put into words how I wanted help. He didn’t know how he could help or what to do. I think everything above, not only helps to create a postpartum plan but opens the channels of communication with your partner. You’ve already talked about sleep, so it’s easy to discuss. Both of you agreed on the boundaries that work for you, so you can both stand up for what you want. With a solid sleep plan, everyone will be taken care of and hopefully rested.
Mama, none of this is fool proof, but by creating a plan to support yourself in postpartum you’ll start the communication with your partner, friends and family, support your healing and rest and have paid assistance on stand by in case you need it. For me, a postpartum plan is not simply the 3 months after birth, but beyond that. I believe it will guide you in supporting yourself, asking for help, having open communication and being able to speak up if something is not working. These postpartum exercises will continue into motherhood. Imagine always having freezer meals or help a call away or solid boundaries with family!
You can do it! Some of these may be hard, but totally worth it. If you need more support I am always here to be your virtually postpartum doula.
