Imagine this is how you see your baby for the first time behind glass, cords, with a dozen machines beeping in the background. It’s not the intimate moment I thought I would have. I never envisioned my skin to skin moment would be my hand reaching into an incubator to touch a small piece of skin. This is the reality for some NICU mamas. Their babies are wisked away before they can hold them.
When we had an emergency c-section at 5am no one warned me. Not one person took the time to let me know after I gave birth they would take my babies and I would only briefly see them in a towel before they were taken to the NICU. I didn’t know this would happen, and I will never understand why it wasn’t communicated.
Being a pregnant twin mama is already a different journey as there are more appointments with ultrasounds every couple weeks, then weekly when closer to the due date. There’s a lot of monitoring, obviously significantly more than a singleton. I guess I always imagined holding my babies after birth would be the same as everyone else.
I never actually held Evie and Poppy together until a week after they were born, but that’s another story. In my mind as soon as they were born I would be able to hold them, to cuddle them, smell them and really see them. I didn’t think it could be any different.
Not being able to hold Evie and Poppy led me to struggle with our bond. How could I bond with our babies when they were taken right after birth to the NICU, I wheeled in to see them and then never held them until almost 12 hours later. I couldn’t. I struggled. I was angry that Mark was so bonded to them right away, that he was able to go tot he NICU and hold them while I laid in bed. He was in love, swooning, holding them from the moment they were born. Why wasn’t that me?
How delaying skin to skin for a mama and baby can affect the bond.
Not holding a baby after birth can have various effects on the bond between a mama and her baby. It’s important to note that bonding is a complex and dynamic process that can be influenced by various factors. Here are some ways in which not holding a baby after birth can impact the mama-baby bond:
- Delayed Bonding: Immediate skin-to-skin contact and holding the baby after birth is often recommended because it can facilitate bonding. Delaying this contact may delay the initial bonding experience, which can affect the mama’s sense of connection to her baby.
- Reduced Oxytocin Release: Skin-to-skin contact and physical closeness trigger the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the “bonding hormone.” When a mama holds her baby, oxytocin levels rise, promoting feelings of attachment and affection. Delaying this contact can potentially lead to a delay in oxytocin release.
- Missed Sensory Experiences: Holding a baby allows the mama to experience her baby’s physical presence, touch, smell, and warmth. These sensory experiences are important for building a strong bond. Not holding the baby immediately after birth can mean missing out on these early sensory connections.
- Impact on Breastfeeding: Skin-to-skin contact and early breastfeeding initiation can be crucial for establishing successful breastfeeding. Delaying contact can sometimes make it more challenging for a baby to latch onto the breast and for the mama to initiate breastfeeding, which can impact the mother-baby bond as breastfeeding often involves a strong emotional connection.
- Emotional Response: The initial moments after birth are emotionally charged for both the mother and the baby. Delaying physical contact may lead to feelings of separation, anxiety, or even disappointment for the mother, which can affect her emotional connection with her baby.
- Disruption of Natural Bonding Instincts: Humans, like many other mammals, have natural instincts to bond with their offspring. Delaying contact may disrupt these instincts and interfere with the natural bonding process.
After looking into this further, I think it’s something every mama should fight for. To hold her baby on her chest, skin to skin after they are born. After having not experienced it, I think it’s really important. As you can see above there are so many factors that can be affected if mama and baby do not connect after the birth. I hope you have a beautiful moment with your baby after birth mama.
