How To Navigate Pregnancy After Loss

As a postpartum doula I am not an expert on pregnancy after loss. I am currently working to further my education in this area and gain certification in Infant and Pregnancy loss. As a mama who was pregnant six months after a loss I know how stressful the experience can be.

Obviously having a loss at any stage of pregnancy is devastating. You grieve the pregnancy, for me it felt like there were steps. Take time to grieve. Allow my body to heal. Process my feelings. It felt like the experience of having a miscarriage had information around how best to move forward. This really helped me as I felt lost on how to move beyond our miscarriage.

Where I didn’t feel supported was when I got pregnancy with our twins. My anxiety was so high. Looking back I think it was so obvious. Why didn’t my OB offer additional support or resources, knowing I had suffered a loss in the past six months? How did no one see that I was struggling to feel calm and centered, always worried I would lose my babies? It also didn’t help that I was a “geriatric pregnancy” and also high risk with modi twins. This made the anxiety even worse. The idea that I would wake up and have lost my babies.

As someone who experienced pregnancy after loss, here are some ways I would suggest supporting yourself during this time. As with everything from birth to postpartum, you’re going to have to take it upon yourself to create a plan.

pregnancy after loss support group

I wish I had known there was such thing as a pregnancy after loss support group. Being able to talk about my fears surrounding my pregnancy and how I felt being pregnant again would’ve made a big change in my emotional and mental health. Simply search pregnancy after loss support groups in your area. There are also virtual support groups if you are not in a large city. Mama, there are people out there who are going through the same experience, you are not alone.

Therapy Support

I’m so happy to have a wonderful therapist I work with now, but I wish I had her sooner. Being able to use her as a touch point or have someone to talk to about my struggles has been invaluable. Therapy may not be in your budget but there are always options. Search for free therapy or sliding scale therapy or resources for therapy in your area. Trust me, having someone who you can reach out to when you feel worried or anxious or are struggling, who is outside your circle of family or friends is so wonderful. Even if I talk about the same thing four times, she doesn’t care. She’s there to listen, support me and help me move beyond what is weighing me down.

Take time for yourself

For me when I was pregnant after our loss I wanted to keep moving. Almost ignore the fact that I was worried something could happen. I kept myself so busy, when really I should’ve slowed down and enjoyed being pregnant. What are some ways you can take time to connect with your body, mind and emotions. There may be a lot that comes up, but that’s ok. I’ve found a gratitude journal to be extremely helpful in postpartum, and I know it would’ve been great during pregnancy as well. Here are some ideas to slow down, connect with your body and baby and be in the present moment: journaling, prenatal yoga, meditation, gentle walks or reading, There are many slow activities that can help you feel grounded in your pregnancy

celebrate this pregnancy

I was guilty of not celebrating our pregnancy. We kept the news to ourselves and didn’t tell anyone until after 12 weeks. Wanting to make sure the babies were growing, everything looked good and we could finally take a deep breath, but not really because we had modi twins and there can be a lot of complications, sigh. CELEBRATE MAMA! Don’t quietly tell your partner, oh we’re pregnant, shout it out, surprise them, treat it like THIS IS THE PREGNANCY YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR! Loss can take so much from us, but it shouldn’t take our joy. Don’t wait until 12 weeks if you don’t want to, let family and friends know when it feels right for you.

These are only a few ways you can support yourself after a pregnancy loss. Mama, I wished I’d done all these things for myself. I didn’t, but I’m here to tell you, you’re worth it. Take the time to invest in yourself, how you feel and the support you need. As a pregnant mama, I wanted someone to see I was struggling and say, “how can I help?” But no one did. It was up to me to find what I needed to feel confident in my pregnancy. Mama, you’ve got this!