The Feeling My Baby Was Not Getting Enough Milk

Enough milk?

They said my milk would come in, eventually. Well eventually never fully came. I had an emergency cesarean at five in the morning. The girls were 5 weeks early and I never got to hold them. Afterwards I lay in bed for 9 hours without my babies. My milk didn’t come in right away. Was being away from my babies contributing? I’ll never know. Luckily the girls were in the NICU and some very generous mamas had donated enough milk. My girls were being fed, they were happy and healthy.

We hand expressed the first night, nothing came. The next day we got a few GLORIOUS DROPS. It was magical. Mark sat there with me every time I tried to express milk, cheering on my breasts. It was hilarious and loving. I will never forget it. Those first few days were tough. I thought I’d never have enough milk and all we’d get were a few drops for our girls. Eventually the milk started to flow. It became a little easier. 

Building up a milk supply

During this time of trying to build up a milk supply, I was also still bleeding. Bleeding is normal postpartum whether you have a vaginal or cesarean birth. The first 10 days are heavier bleeding, darker blook and is called lochia. After that it should transition to lighter bleeding or spotting until about 4 to 6 weeks after birth. I bled for the first 14 weeks postpartum. At my 6 week check up, I told my doctor my concerns, she said to reach out if I was still bleeding in a few weeks. I did. Turns out I had leftover placenta that needed to be removed. (More on that later.)

After the placenta issue was taken care of, my milk changed. The girls went from having green poops to yellow poops, which tells me they were getting a better quality of milk and possibly more. This helped a little, Then add in lactation teas, breastfeeding cookies, eating all the recommended foods, drinking 20 cups of water a day, consuming 3000 calories or more and pumping after every feed, I produced quite a bit, but not milk. We could never exclusively breastfeed.⁠ I never produced enough milk for both girls. I tried. We gave it a few months. We all cried, never slept and it was painful. They were gaining weight very slowly and were never content. I wanted them to be full and satisfied. In the end we chose to top up with formula. It was the right choice for our family. Although in the beginning I felt like I was hurting my babies by giving them anything but my milk. 

Once we introduced the combination feedings they would wake up smiling and cooing, not screaming. It was good for them and me. My babies had 80% of their food from me and that feels like a win. Feeding two babies full time is no joke. 

Mama you can do it! You will feed your babies, it might look different than you imagined or take longer to figure out, but you’ll get there. I believe in you.